


Restless

by Jelaine_The_First



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Ghosts, Medguistl the Mom, Multi, Why cnt we spell Haurchefant without feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jelaine_The_First/pseuds/Jelaine_The_First
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it's hard to let go... Why don't just haunt them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I blinked for the nth time. The feeling seeped into my soul. That sense of déjà vu washed my body and it pushed me away from the dragon's line of attack. I stumbled on the ground and got back on my feet, perfectly unscathed. There's only lack of music for me to call this _a dance_. A lot of it's attack was sudden but I just **know** it. 

Im confused whether to like or dislike this. 

Things are going as smooth as a baby's bottom but at this rate I will learn nothing. Adventuring's basic is all about experiencing and experimenting, and without those two, I might as well go back to Gridania and start planting Azeyma Roses. 

A few minutes passed. The ferocious dragon was finally put to rest. I sighed softly. Haedalyn, is this one of your blessings? If so, I'm done with its antics. When I needed it most, it never came, and when I do not need it at all, it all came at once. I lifted my head skywards. A victory gained without effort is pointless. 

======= 

I strolled down the road of Mor Dhona with ease. This place used to be bustling with adventurers, but ever since Ishgard was open to them, this place becomes barren with people. I stared outside of the gate, towards the purple sky. Mor Dhona's beauty at its best. The purple sky always leave me breathless. 

In every step I took, it felt like there's a pair of eyes watching my every move. As an avid adventurer, I should be used to it, but somehow this situation is different. That certain person's gaze is intense and fixed _only_ to me. Part of me agreed that it is only an overly self-conscious act, however the other half kept being disturbed by this tiny fact. I walked straight to the Chocobokeep, taking the auto-driven chocobo towards Dragonhead. My mushy mind might let my chocobo steering skills end up at the floor of Boulder Downs. 

With full ease, I safely arrived at Dragonhead. I took a deep breath, concealing all the emotions that came from past memories. Memories of him. I shook my head. This wasn’t what he wanted me to do. Not grieving, let alone mourn. If anything, he wanted me to move on. 

Yes, move on. 

Never have I thought letting something go was this hard. He is my best friend, and also something more. Someone that precious was snapped away from me in an instant. At that moment, I stopped breathing. I forgot to breath. Panic attack slowly kicked in again, and I calmed myself down. My hands formed a tight fist. I grit my teeth hard. 

No more, I thought. I do not want to care for anybody anymore. It hurts when they're gone. I blinked for several times and sipped in some fresh Coerthan air. I took a step forward and opened the door to the main office in Dragonhead. Two heads turned to me, and big smiles were put on. Corentiaux and Yaelle; And my head unconsciously turned towards the big chair at the center, made for the commander. It stung again. 

=============== 

I tried to close my eyes and have a good night's sleep, but the feeling just cannot be brushed away. There is something watching me close. I can feel the stare burning through my back, or to be honest, I can feel _something_ at my back… With all cautiousness, I turned my body to the opposite side, my eyes tightly sealed. The presence is still there and it grows stronger with every second that passed. Slowly, deliberately, carefully, I opened my eyes. 

"Hello, my dear." 

I'm confident to say I woke up all the people in Dragonhead that night. 

=========== 

"Are you okay?" asked Yaelle the first thing after she rushed to my bedroom. I shook my head. My finger pointed out to the bed, and now I'm cowering on a chair at the other side of the room, blanket firmly attached to my back. She looked over the bed and gave me another puzzled look, as if asking me what should she be looking at. 

"You can't see it?" I asked. Fear still in my voice. She shook her head. 

"No, I can't see anything." 

My finger withered downwards, brain still uncomprehending the situation going on right now. This entity right here is what whispered to me these past few days. I wouldn’t bother to shiver or even glance if it's anyone else, but it's… 

_Haurchefant._

"Ahh, why do you look at me so?" asked an eerie voice in my head. I looked at the thing on my bed again, now sitting, and gave him, no-- _it_ , a horrified look. "I'm not here to scare you, henceforth no need for the overwhelming fear." 

Don't you _henceforth_ me after that jumpscare! I shouted in my mind, together with a loud facepalm. Yaelle, who was busy examining everything in the room, was shocked at the smacking sound. "I think you need some rest," said her with a concerned tone. I rubbed my face. Yes, a good night's sleep is highly needed now, but what about that thing on my bed? I stole a glance at him, still grinning widely, sitting leisurely on the supposedly my sleeping place now. I sighed. O hallucinations, why art thou so vivid? 

I tugged Yaelle's sleeve lightly. My face forming a puppy face. I don't want to be here. 

"Fine, I'll go wake up Medguistl and Corentiaux. We can all sleep together. You happy?" 

I nodded with a big grin. This is why I love them all. We went through thick and thin together, even when someone was scared the shit out of themselves by a ghost. I jumped off the chair and pulled the blanket with me, letting it sweep the floor clean. After some stretching, not to mention cutely, I stood in front of Yaelle at the door. Smile still plastered on my face. 

"Such a big child." Yaelle sighed and pat my head. "Now I wonder what Lord Haurchefant saw in you for him to be so smitten." 

I followed Yaelle quietly, hands still connected with hers. That statement somehow did not make me want to bawl my eyes out, in fact, I feel blessed. To be liked by a nobleman like Haurchefant, I truly feel lucky. One of my hands pulled the blanket close to my face, covering almost all of it and only letting the eyes see the front, because only Haedalyn knows how hard I am blushing right now. 

At the end of the hall, a blurry figure stood quietly, watching my every step. A smile formed on its mouth. 

_Sweet dreams, sweetie._


	2. Stupidly In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You did not think it will end there now, did you?

_"You are my Warrior of Light."_

_It seemed like yesterday where he knelt down in front of me, hands holding out a box containing a silver ring engraved with turqoise gem. I couldn't remember how shocked I was, but one thing for sure, I accepted his proposal right there and then. A tight hug, and then I had to bid farewell, because whatever my business was, Eorzea needed me more. A sad smile crossed my lips but was stopped by his finger. "I will await your return patiently, my love."_

_It was supposed to be my big day tomorrow; The day where Haurchefant and I finally be united. However here I am, stuck in The Vault, trying to save Aymeric and catch King Thordan VII before he could escape to Azys Lla. I promised myself. After all of this is done, we are all going to celebrate. How wrong I was. It was too late for me to realize the spear piercing through my beloved, killing him slowly._

_It is tomorrow._

_Don't die._

_We will be one._

_The final smile I gave him. It's stuck on my head._

_Why?_

I opened my eyes slowly, tears crawled down my cheeks. I sat up and wiped away the wet traces. In my mind, I desperately need to see the ghost from last night. It wasn't Haurchefant, most probably, but it has his face. I truly just want to see his face. The portrait commissioned from Rowena was too pricey, and I'm still in the middle of collecting tomestones to pay her later. I looked down. Was there no way to see him just one more time? Is it too much to ask? 

"Hear, hear… Waking up with tears is not a good way to start your day." 

'Stunned' was the only word that can describe myself right now. My tears stopped completely. I looked around the room. Around me was Yaelle, Corentiaux and Medguistl, still in their pajamas and sleeping peacefully. My wary eyes caught a silhouette not far from the door. 

I covered my mouth that was about to scream. My heart beat twice as fast. As if the thing knows it has been spotted by a living being, it gave me a smile, so eerie that I grew goosebumps. In a blink, it disappeared. However, the tension did not cease. 

"Shushh…" A breath flew on my left ear, and I screamed from the top of my lungs. 

"What in the flying chocobo are you screaming at?!" Corentiaux, with swollen eyes, totally did not appreciate the wake-up call. So did the other two girls, who woke up and saw me sticking with an expression of fear. 

"You better have a good explanation for this," said the female Elezen before she rose up and stretched, getting ready to start the day. "If not, I'm going to ask Sebastian to kick you hard in the stomach." 

I whimpered. Oh by the Twelve, not Sebastian's kick… 

================= 

I sat on the chair, my feet fidgeting uncontrollably, getting restless. I eyed Yaelle at the left, her hands stuck on the rope that binds Sebastian. I can feel the karakul's eyes staring through my soul. Now I wonder if it was awaken by my scream too. Medguistl on the right, with the rolling pin in her folded arms. 

It was as if I'm not being eaten alive by this karakul, I'm gonna get beaten to death by this two Satan's spawns. Thank the Fury Corentiaux was away to get some missives sent to Ishgard, or I'm gonna have to ask them to put up my memorial beside Haurchefant's. 

Oh yeah… 

"You better explain your traumatized screaming from last night and this morning, my fair adventurer," said Yaelle, equipped with a beautiful yet scary smile that can render any Nidhogg's minions paralyzed for eternity. I squaked meekly and looked down at the snow. 

"Like I said last night, it was….Lord Haurchefant…" 

"No way it was him!" 

"I swear!" 

Yaelle looked at me curiously, and gave out a heavy sigh afterwards. "You sure it's not just your imagination?" 

I shook my head. "It's him." I firmly replied. "Or so I'd believe. I might want to investigate more on this matter to know whether it's an Ascian playing around with me or it's truly him." My determined face made Yaelle gave up on interrogating me. She sighed. 

"Even death cannot do you part. I suppose I should've seen this coming." She released Sebastian into the wilderness, rolled the rope into smaller circle and then nudged Medguistl at her rib. "Let's go back. I have more things to do." 

Words cannot describe how relieved I was when seeing those two turned their back to me. No unnecessary spankings, thank the Fury. However, Yaelle's words made me think. 

_Even death cannot do you part._

I'm unsure as how to feel right now. It was as if Haurchefant was still alive, those fluttery butterflies conquered my stomach again. I decided to pay the memorial a visit. 

============ 

I stared into the distance, scrutinizing the blue horizon that distinguished the land and sky with dark blue and a lighter shade. In my sight, stood Ishgard in all of its glory. A city full of despair, anguish, torment, corrupt, but yet it was so full of life. People fought everyday, and despite the declining number of knights slaughtered mercilessly, they keep on fighting. It was something worth respecting. 

A knight lives to serve. 

I nodded. I understand. His life was all about knighthood, and some chivalric attitude worth swooning over. I don't care how many times I fell in love with other people, but his tale was something I'd be proud of. I choked a sob in my throat. I did not come here to cry. A tear formed at my eye but I swiped it away with full force. I am the Warrior of Light, don't be a crybaby. 

While I was filled with my own thoughts, my stomach grumbled loud enough for the body host to realize, no food has been pushed down the throat since dawn breaks. I looked up at the sky. The sun was high up there, most probably its time for lunch. I want to get up but that means leaving Haurchefant alone here; And that's the last thing I want to do. So I spent some more time while leaning against the tombstone, head looking heavensward. 

Even death cannot do us part. 

=========== 

This was clearly the stupidest thing I have ever done. My eyes trailed Medguistl at the cabinets over there, my hands pulling the blanket closer to my body. I sneezed. 

So yeah, I fell asleep at Providence Point until dusk. Might as well freeze myself whole before Corentiaux realized I was gone for a long while. By the time they found me splaying over the memorial like a river squid, I already have the fever. What a great day. Frown came unto my face, frustrated with my own wrongdoing. 

"Now, don't you give me that cutesy scowl of yours. It might work with Lord Haurchefant but not me," said Medguistl, half-jokingly. She walked back towards me with a bottle containing a liquid I hate the most in the entire world. "You dare to catch a fever, I suppose you're ready to drink this." 

Not raw, I said. You can ask me to run from Dravanian Forelands to Coerthas Central Highlands non-stop, but not this! I faked out a crying expression to Medguistl but damn it she's immune to it. I looked at the bottle of death. Lord Haurchefant, my beloved, please lend me your strength! I prayed. 

With one gulp, I drank it all. What's horrible is the aftermath. Slowly, the bitter sensation crawled back from the pit of my stomach, and hooked itself strong on the tongue. I groaned, long. "Lord Haurchefant…" I whimpered slightly. 

After she's assured the medicine (of death) has gone inside my mouth, Medguistl excused herself to the kitchen to fetch me some food; _If_ by that time I haven't die of this bitterness hell. I laid down on the bed, blanket perfectly rolled around my body like Uldahn Sushi. Before I knew it, I already dozed off silently, totally oblivious of the floating orb behind me, which then turned into a person of my beloved. 

He gave a smile to my sleeping figure and lays down next to me, wrapping me in his arms. Instantly I feel warm and comfortable, I thought as I went deeper into slumber. In my mind, I just hoped this fever will go away soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haurche y u do dis to us?! *cries at a corner*


	3. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even care anymore what I did with my assignments :'D   
> I'm sorry if this is short. I promise I will update soon!

"How have you been faring, Warrior of Light?" asked Francel the first thing after sitting at my left side in Forgotten Knights tavern. I only answered with a gloomy stare. I'm not well, if that's what you're asking. If he interpret this face to _"I'm so happy I feel like jumping off a cliff"_ , I would drag him to a nearby chirurgeon. Thankfully, he's still sane, judging from the sigh he gave after looking at my eyebags. 

"I seldomly saw your figure at the memorial now." He ordered a glass of cocktail and drank it slowly, as if remembering something fond from the sheer action. "What's troubling you, my friend? I'll see if I can help in any way." 

Another sigh, this time it came out rather heavily. No, I doubt you can do something about it, Francel. My gaze settled on the glass of vodka I'm drinking, and later looked at my right side. It's occupied, it seems. 

Wait. 

I looked at my left. Francel is still there. I turned my head to the right. My mouth held in the scream I want to release. _Haurchefant, why are you haunting me?_ The ghostly face formed a smile towards me while sitting leisurely like a boss. 

Why are you torturing me like this? I can see you but I can't hold you. This hurts. Again, I gave out a sigh, and Francel seemed restless waiting for my reply. 

"Should I leave you alone?" asked him. Immediately I put my hand atop his on the counter, my head shaking. I don't want to talk, but I need company. He understood it instantly and ordered another cocktail. 

The figure beside me moved to the front. Francel, meanwhile, was still oblivious to it, or he simply can't see it. I leaned forward and my hands rested on the counter; A way to cover my drunk face later, who knows. I stared at the ghost in front, his smile stubbornly plastered at the blurry face. 

Damn it, why do you have to be so….gorgeous…. Haurchefant is dead….This is not him…. 

I passed out on the counter not long after that. In my mind, I decided something. 

_That is Haurchefant._

============= 

When I woke up, I was in my room in Fortemps Manor. I sat up on the bed, and immediately regret it when the hangover struck my head like Ramuh's lightning judgement. I blinked my eyes several times. I guess it's dusk now, I thought as I looked at the window. Carefully, I walked towards it to get a better view and it was worth it when I saw the breathtaking scenery covering the white Coerthas land. Today was pretty warm as compared to other normal blizzardly days. 

One thing I wonder; Why do I feel at ease? It's like the melancholy that haunted me before I pass out just vanished. In one breath, I whispered his name. 

"It's beautiful, isn't it, Haurchefant?" 

Just as I summoned his name, he appeared behind me. His hands rested at the wooden frames, trapping me in between him and the window. I feel warmth radiating from my back. 

"Indeed, this looks utterly splendid." 

Right now, I just want to indulge at his momentary presence.


	4. The One That is Slipping Away

"Teacher?" 

My head turned away from the book I'm reading and unto my one and only student. "Yes?" 

The young Fortemps immigrant eagerly looked at me. "May I know who is this Haurchefant guy? Is he a saint?" 

My brow cocked upwards so hard it will definitely leave a faint trace. "What?" was my only answer. 

"Because everytime the other people talked about him, he sounds like a really good guy." 

I smiled. Indeed he was. He still is, actually. "Yes, he is a good person. Why? Do you want to be like him?" 

He nodded enthusiastically. "What does he look like?" 

I took a deep breath and recalled all his gorgeous features. "His hair is silky and fair, as beautiful as Coerthas's sky in it's snowless day. His skin is pale, like one of Duskwight's. His ears long and sleek; always clean and well-kept. His pupils are deep ice blue, ones that would sparkle everytime he speaks. His smiles shine bright, as Menphina's stars on a clear night sky. His build is as stout as a mountain. His shield unmovable, unwavering. Desperate to protect whoever's dear to him. It's a wonder how such big of a soul can be encased in one slim figure of an Elezen." I paused and took another breath. These description almost choked me with tears. 

I pat my student's head fondly. "If you want to be like him, you must be strong and kind, because those two will take you a long way." 

_Even further than his way_ , I continued in my head. His journey was halted halfway, all because of me. 

While I was busy comtemplating with my own feelings, the Fortemps youngling looked at me with eyes full of excitement. "I understand! I will be the best knight Fortemps manor will ever hire!" He took off to take his wooden sword and came upon me with his battle stance ready. "Come on, teacher! No time to waste! Let's practice until I become like Haurchefant!" 

I chuckled. At this rate, he will definitely be a saint in the eyes of younger generations. I don't mind though. Not one bit. 

================== 

Being a part-time tutor at Fortemps manor wasn't that hard. The only part I despise to the bones was when my body started to give out protests after a day long of teaching and doing my adventuring workloads. I stretched out my limbs and gave out a long sigh of relief. A few cracks were heard here and there. I should get used to this. 

"You look like you just went through seven hells and came back." A familiar voice greeted me from the back, accompanied with a few giggles from most probably a girl Lalafell. My mouth stretched at one side, giving the 'I'm done with your jokes' expression. My eyes caught the silhouette of the short Elezen. 

"Ha ha, so funny." I rolled my eyes. Alphinaud sat on the chair facing me and Tataru hopped onto the one next to mine. I tried to keep up a collected attitude, because just before they entered, I was talking to Haurchefant. Well, his _spirit_ , soul, entity-- whatever. "So, what's up?" 

"What? Can't we greet you just like normal friends do?" 

I eyed Alphinaud with the most judging look. "From all the time spent with you, Alphinaud Leveilleur don't always greet his friend without any news for them." 

They laughed. What? It's not like it's untrue. "You do learn from experience, my friend. Urianger bids for your presence in Waking Sands." 

I looked again at the white-haired teenager. "For what?" 

He only shrugged. 

"Is it urgent?" 

"I don't know." 

From all the puzzles Urianger brought to our conversation, I sorted out a time for me to meet him. In between the scheduling, I sighed. Whenever I was needed to talk to Urianger, it was always considered a chore. 

============== 

I should've known better. My fingers couldn't count how much times I told Urianger to speak a _freaking_ simple English because godsdamnit I can't understand him at all! From the smug on his face after seeing my frustrated frown, it did look like he's doing it on purpose. Damn him and his grey sideburns! 

So after a while trying to decipher Urianger's Old English code, I found out about the informations I need. For one thing, I am definitely getting old, as I can't remember the moment when I asked Urianger about aether activities after a person died, and if it's possible for someone to be brought back to life, or maybe come back as a ghost. He did not deny that possibility, but it did brought a scowl to his face. Another time wasted trying to convince him that I wasn’t going to revive someone back from the dead; Well, I'm definitely not going to revive that certain someone back. It's not like my love story went unnoticed by the Scions'. 

It seems like an aetheric burst will occur once a person died, and it will try to find a new body host, or it will spread to the environment evenly until it disappears. This explains how Moenbryda's aether managed to flow into the white auracite easily, or how Ysayle's aether was spread into the world, creating a sunlight ray equal to one from heaven's. It's true that aether gives shape and form to many lives, but summoning the undead back into a physical body is impossible. What encased in that rotting body is nothing but a primal in its weakest state, with no mind of its own. Only know how to rampage and devour all living beings in sight. 

As I kept pondering in front of Urianger, he continued his explanation. While aether flows freely on earth, soul gives a different story. Not much encryption is written on souls, but from pure theory, if a soul has a strong resolve before they died, it will give enough strength to hold its own ball of aether, and hence forming a figure although not as strong as when they were alive but enough for other people to see it. In other words, _ghost_ is a possible occurrence. 

I stared at Urianger while he shrugged. He was always against this idea of spiritual nonsense. I'd be at his side if not because of a certain Elezen who decided it's best to stalk upon me even when death calls him. 

Speaking about him, it has been while since he last surprised me. Isn't that a good thing? I thought. I acknowledged him as if he was still alive, but I feel like I'm going against my belief. He was so happy when I stopped freaking out at his appearance. I talked to him occasionally, usually when there's nobody around. He reacted with his usual body language. He's someone that I think is noisy even when he doesn't open his mouth. Now that I think about it, he rarely talks. Whenever I heard his voice, it's always distorted, as if I heard them from a blackhole. 

The more we communicate, the more I'm falling into this pitfall called craziness. The hypocrisy of acting like a normal human, while in truth, I conversed with my dead beloved when no one's watching. 

I don’t know how much longer I will hold before I transform into a complete lunatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this has taken a darker turn... ._.


End file.
